• Noelani Mei

Buzz Buzz: The Blog We've All Been Waiting For!!


picture of bee sex if that was not obvi

Alas, it is here! The blog that has been requested. Basically, the blog of the century! This is the start of probably nothing new EXCEPT pure enjoyment for all of my readers.


A few weeks ago, I asked on Instagram to my dedicated followers (YOU!!) if I should do a dating Blog Series.



TBH, I was taken aback by the people who voted "Why R U Like This?" I mean, I would've expected close family, but wow, we really pulled some people from left field. I was like damn, haven't spoken to you since 4th grade, but hey, feel free to cast your judgment. #WOONANOO!! The blog has been CONCEIVED.


This may come as a surprise, but I am single. I know, I know: we can't have it all.


pic of v famous model

It's like, no these dating apps haven't escalated my dating life literally by any means. But I find them so entertaining. I'm also always like, WHERE ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?! I never see anyone who is under 30 in LA - I also never leave my house so that could also be the problemo.


People are always like, "You're not going to meet your future husband in a bar." Um, where the fuck else am I supposed to go, Cheryl?? I feel like there are worst places to meet your future husband. Like, idk, a brothel? Prison? Bar seems suitable to me. I mean, it still doesn't matter because here we are.


I will be documenting my experiences with several dating apps. Here is the working list:


1. Hinge

2. Bumble

3. Coffee Meets Bagel

4. Tinder

5. The League


Now, I did have OkCupid. OkCupid is strange. Though, as they say, love is a crazy world. I actually kinda liked it at first. You fill out this LONG questionnaire, and they ask you everything (sorry I don't have screenshots because I was too traumatized by the forthcoming story). It's basically a Meyers-Briggs test but instead of some letters (INFP) you get boys (or girls)! WOO! You can also just have at it and search for the fella of your dreams.


Indeed, this charmer of a gal (me) matched with a few people. You can also send messages. It's pretty much a free for all. This is my go-to picture. I wouldn't say the bod looks like this now, but #woonanoo.


I believe this app does ask you for your body type. And, it's like, can't you see. Plus, they never have relatable options. It's usually, thin, athletic, average, morbidly obese. Quite, frankly, I feel like my body most resembles a turtle without its shell, and I just wish there was a write-in section.


I guess it's kinda helpful, especially if you're going to meet the person because guys usually have these types of pictures in their profile:



"Swoll"

OR



"I'm the one on the left"

ANYWHO...I ended up matching with someone. We said our hello's as it is expected to entertain those formalities. Then it was time for the good stuff - REAL CONVO HAY.


ME TO ME:



The little ellipses popped up to show he was typing, which was good because I'm not one to really create a spark in a conversation. I will 100% interrupt you once you've started, but I certainly will not start it.


And there it was. On his side:


"Do you know Ray?"


Now, what I didn't tell you, though I did think it was assumed, is that the boys in my picture are my brothers. Raymond, is the one on the right. So, it did seem like a stupid question to ask if I knew Ray. He knew him from like 2 years ago so it's not like this was an elementary school friend (who, then, I would also know). Clearly, if Raymond is in my picture I know him.


But, yes, I do know Ray. And, as it goes, Everybody Loves Raymond.


So, for the next 2 days we proceeded to chat about how great Ray was.



And, I got to hear some great Raymond stories.



I moved 3,000 miles away from the fambam and here I was talking about my brother on OkCupid. Like, I think the fuck not cupid.


Anyway, I didn't know how to escape. But, I gave it my best effort.




And I just deleted my account.


wow, okay, back to where we were 10 hours ago.


I'm open to other app suggestions, but remember it's QUALITY not quantity. Also, I don't have that much space on my phone because my mood has been fluctuating out the wazzoo and I absolutely need to have ALL albums of both Fall Out Boy & Tay Swift downloaded on my Spotify.


You can expect to see more in-app experiences. Which will also be featured on my IG story https://www.instagram.com/noelani.mei/?hl=en


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TALK TO YOU ALL LATER!!


xxNoelani




Please Note: for the lad who is reading this and is like "omg her gif placement is astonishingly perfect just like her personality and I must date her but I don't want to be featured on the web," HAVE NO FEAR. I'm big on laughing at myself (and sometimes others) but I have no intention to publicly shame or humiliate anyone. Conversations featured will have already been finished and faces/names will not be shown.



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